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 Famous Cornholers Throughout History
Cincinnati: Recently NFL owner "Millionaire Mike" Brown admitted he was just a little embarrassed by the behavior of some of his Bad News Bungals. Chris Henry, Frostee Rucker, A.J. Nicholson, Odell Thurman, and Ahmad Brooks are just a dysfunctional group of substance abusers and troublemakers who seem more likely to appear on the next episode of "Cops" than in the Super Bowl. And if that's not embarrassing enough, last month Bungals star quarterback Carson Palmer hosted a "Cornhole Contest." No Kidding!
Every Sodomy Rites Activist in town knows what "cornholing" is. We looked it up in the Funken Wagnalls Dictionary of Dirty Words and it showed a picture of two gay guys having anal sex. That's not the sort of image the NFL really wants, is it?
But curiously enough, at the same time, according to the Blower's Book of Historical Quotations, the word "cornhole" has been used many times throughout history:
 In Roman days, Marc Anthony said, "Friends, Romans, Countrymen, lend me your Cornholes."
Marie Antoinette said, "Let them eat Cornholes."
Our own Declaration of Independence says, "All Cornholes are created equal."
On his famous Midnight Ride before the Revolutionary War, Paul Revere warned, "The Cornholers are coming, the cornholers are coming!"
Benjamin Franklin said, "Cornholing lubricates the body and the mind."
Patrick Henry said, "Give me liberty or give me a good old-fashioned Cornholing."
Nathan Hale's famous last words were, "I regret that I have but one Cornholing to give for my Country."
Israel Putnam at the Battle of Bunker Hill (or maybe it was Breeds Hill) in 1775, said, "Don't fire until you see them Cornholing."
During the War of 1812, John Paul Jones said, "I have not yet begun to Cornhole."
Abraham Lincoln said, "You can Cornhole some of the people all of the time... "
Mark Twain said, "Reports of my Cornhole have been greatly exaggerated."
General George Armstrong Custer said, "Where the hell did all those Cornholers come from?"
Teddy Roosevelt said, "Speak softly, but carry a big piece of Corn."
Herbert Hoover's campaign promise was "A chicken in every Cornhole."
In his first Inaugural Address, Franklin Roosevelt said, "We have nothing to fear but Cornholing."
W. C. Fields said, "Never give a Cornholer an even break."
Mae West asked, "Is that a big piece of Corn in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?'
General George Patton said, "All real Americans love to Cornhole."
Harry Truman had a sign on his desk that said, "The Cornholing stops here."
John Fitzgerald Kennedy said, "Ask not what you can do for your Cornhole."
Barry Goldwater said, "Extremism in the defense of Cornholing is no vice."
Martin Luther King said, "We shall overcome Cornholing."
Bill Clinton said, "I did not Cornhole Ms. Lewinsky."
Al Gore said, "I invented Cornholing."
Finally, President George W. Bush said, "Cornholing accomplished."
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