F R I D A Y,     J U L Y   2 1,    2 0 0 6

-- Special "Bastille Day" Edition --

T H E     R E A L    E S T A T E    C E N T E R

Laughing Matters
     When Heterosexual Hollywood Celebrities Tom Hanks, Ron Howard, and Dennis Miller came to town for the Reds game Wednesday night, the people they brought on their bus had to be funny to get a seat. That was probably a good idea, since most folks hereabouts aren't all that humorous anyhow.

     Except if you count Cincinnati's Girly Man Mayor Mark Mallory's silly "anti-violence" billboards. That really ought to keep the yoofs from shooting each other this summer.

     Or everybody complaining about the heat. As WGRR's Chris O'Brien says, if only it were as cold as those awkward glances between Sandra Ali and Sheree Paolello on TV5.

     Or all those lazy lawyers sweating like the pigs they are as they walked up to the courthouse to look up parking tickets in person after Clerk of Courts Me, Greg Hartmann took all those records off line.

     Or RINO Ghizzy Lizzy emulating her hero Disingenuous DemocRAT Dingbat John Kerry, when she said, "I voted for the Casino before I voted against it.

     Or the ongoing saga our Superhero Mayor "Doc" Savage battling evil Judge Meddel to keep the swimming pool clean for the Rich, Pasty-white, God-fearing Privileged People of Whiteoming.

     Or the sight of Hamilton County's Disingenuous DemocRAT Auditor with egg on his face after his humiliating loss at the hands of his own hand-picked Board of Revulsion, which rejected the Auditor's attempts to justify his 41% computer-generated appraisal of Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane's property at last week's landmark hearing.

     Or folks on the committee planning the 50th Reunion for the Forrest Gump High School Class of 1956 who met at Kane's revalued residence last night.

     Speaking of reunions, a class at Walnut Hills had their reunion at the Uppity Oprah "I'm Not Gay" Winfrey Under-funded, Ugly-ass Unnagraown Rayroe Museum Freedom Center. Never again! The illustrious graduates were horrified to learn that 13 members of this year's senior class didn't even graduate. They should've been kicked out after their sophomore year, but that wouldn’t have been politically correct.

     Or the Left Wing Blog that reported how TLB Mean Jean Schmidt only has $17,509 to buy lying attack ads to run against Depressed DemocRAT Vic Wulsin, whose hope chest contains a whopping $24,564. Looking at pictures of these two candidates, it promises to be a really ugly Congressional campaign.

     Speaking of photos, the most downloaded photo on Yahoo yesterday was the one of the two lubricating lesbians greasing each other up at the Gay Games.


Bluegrass Bad-mouthers
     In Northern Kentucky, Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo is thinking about rounding up the usual suspects of people who might've sent him that vile-and-disgusting e-mail threatening to sue him. Some of those included are Goof Doofus, Safari Ken Lucas, Clueless Marc Wilson, DemocRAT Dominatrix Kathy Groob, Feckless Fishwrapper Patsy Crowley, the Vanilla Hills Vigilantes, Ouday and Scarry Garry, "Beanball Jim" Bunning, "Rick "The Batboy" Robinson and his pet squirrel Nutsy, Gex “Rhymes with Sex” Williams, Bitch McConnell, Billionaire Ralph Drees, Jerry Carroll, our Snitches at Covington City Hall, Wilder Women, Horny in Hebron, the Latonia Lesbians Beach Volleyball Team, Jay Fossett, Dick "I Miss My Probe" Murgatax, Vince Bryant, Unemployed ComAir Pilots, fired former Newport City Mangler Phil Ciafardini, Earl and Otis, Scott "Pass the Biscuits" Kimmich, Craven Morehead, Donna "I Want to Be a Judge" Bloemer, William T. Robinson III, Will "The GadFly" Terwort, Steve Megerle, GOP Nasty Letterwriter Ted "Poison Pen" Smith, Shane "Smooth" Sidebottom, Phillip "I'll Sue Anybody If It Gets My Name in the Paper" Taliferro, Paul Patton Her on the Ass, Kevin "Mad Mick" Murphy, Feminist Fleshpot Diane Brumback, Patrick "Shawshank" Hughes, Mr. Drip, Bluegrass Chamber Spokesman Gary "I Love TV Cameras" Toebben, Guys Who Lied About Dating Playboy Playmate Stephanie Heinrick, Korzy Kornenborn, the Crockster, Looney Tunes Merrell, Demon Nay-Thayer, the Mainstrasse Menagerie, Billy Bob Carbine, Chucky and the Bride of Chucky Vaughn, and maybe even Michael Liquid Plummer.


Stories We're Working On
     Bubble heads on Clown-cil recommend bubble jails
Hezbollah opens local office in Blue Ash
Hartmann: “Just wait till I get to Columbus”
Gasoline prices plummet to $2.91/ gallon
Will NKU offer benefits to gay partners?
Illegal Alien Radio Station in Covington
Y'All Ville Freedom still in last place


Whistleblower Web Poll
     This week, here’s what the first 17,648 Whistleblower Readers Poll respondents said all those new "Anti-Violence" billboards in Cincinnati should say:

(A) Welcome to Cincinnati, don't forget to wear your flack jacket: 2%
(B) White guys get murdered too: 1%
(C) Something in Spanish: 1%
(D) The latest murder count: 96%

Note: Everything we write doesn't have to be so mean-spirited, it's just so much more fun that way!


Dusty’s Debacle
     This week, everybody who thinks Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane's landmark victory at the Hamilton County Board of Revulsion was a victory for all victims of drive-by reappraisals, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.

     The winner is Harry Homeowner, who says, "I forgot to file a complaint like Kane did and now I'm stuck with jacked up property values for the next three years."

     Harry win an "I'm With Stupid" T-shirt for his wife, free use of a U-Haul van and enough Hispanic laborers to help him move, information on how to turn old home into Section Eight Housing because nobody will buy it with all those sky-high taxes, and petitions to circulate for somebody to run as a write-in candidate against the Disingenuous DemocRAT County Auditor, because the Temporary Hamilton County GOP Party Boss George Vincent forgot to find somebody to run this year. His winning limerick is:

     When your Board of Revulsion Hearing is done,
     And a lower property value is won;
     It'll be the Auditor's disgrace,
     With egg on his face,
     He won’t think he’s having much fun.

     The first line of next week's limerick is:
     "When Me, Greg takes all those records off line."

Got a dirty little secret that’ll ruin somebody’s reputation? e-mail your snitches and bitches to whistleblower@cinci.rr.com Link of the Day Boone County High School has a new Cornhole Club

See some of the best local newslinks (as well as today’s Blower) can be seen at CincyNation

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